The Wall

I watched this video and started to think about myself again. How many chakras must the spirit in me have connected to? And I’m only talking about the basic 7 chakras. I asked myself – “how secure do I feel I am”?

The answer from inside was a shudder so powerful, I nearly fell off my chair. I realized, I have to start from basics again. I have to start working on myself again.

I’ve been thinking since 2 days now and I’ve realized that I can’t blame myself or anyone else if I feel insecure. This is something I should have worked upon very early but then who knew then that I’d have to delve so deep inside of me for answers that no one else on this planet has for me. Call it conditioning that I always look towards the world for answers that I should have had a long time ago. All others can only guide me to, may be at best, decipher the messages I get from within me. How foolish have I been all along!

I feel security of self, let’s call it self-security, is the basis of all things human. From the time we’re born, the first thing that our parents should give us is a sense of security about the world around us, to let us alleviate the first fears about the first people we feel around us. But I feel the need to go back 1-step. Why do we ever have to feel fear in the first place when we’re only just born? Or do our parents try and remove all possible sources of fear from around us only guided by their intuition which could be as fragile as a grass straw or to call it plainly – wrong? Their logic or thinking can be attributed to only one cause – their responsibility of providing us with a nurturing environment to grow up without a single hiccup. My worry in all this is – is their fear the compressed source of all fears that we face as a child? Do we borrow their fears to return their favor of bringing us into this world?

Now think about the case as follows – a child is born and sees parents who’re beyond several definitions of ecstatic. They are so elated that eyes can’t contain the excitement and they keep falling short of breaths while simply admiring your beauty. Yes, they’re still trying to hold you the best way possible, gently passing you around the arms of the other well-wishers. Yet instead of enjoying the moment, they start noticing the way, others are holding their child and is it the best that they can do? The new parents are worried of course whether be it that you are in more capable hands than their own. Does this fear sound irrational? Or is it the culmination of the unsurmountable distrust in all of humanity that no one except you can do the best for their child? Think about the number of injuries and numerous stabs that the parents individually would have gone through before they decided to get married and bring you into this world. They can and will only rely on their experience. That’s the way they have learnt in this world even though the knowledge mostly came from the all-knowing Google. I won’t even touch the fears that parents experience when you are being formed inside the womb or the fears after the passing-the-parcel match I described above. Can you think that right from the moment the parents hear the news that you may be on your way, they start to fear and fear they will, for and about you, all through their lives till they are alive. Is that irrational?

Yes, I understand I may be describing my situation here as well, as to why I don’t want to be a father right now. This may be the fear that’s eating me up but this discussion is for later.

So, take that 1 step ahead now from which we had stepped back. You’re growing up fast, blossoming every full moon, and then one day you see or learn something horrifying about either one of your parents. And you have no one to talk to – neither the other parent nor any of your siblings. So you silently dump the shit, take the bitter pill and go back to sleep, never knowing that this is the first of the innumerable and insufferable disturbing nights you’re preparing to have in the coming years. You see the culprit parent each day and they love you or pretend to love you and from here starts the cycle of distrust that’ll repeat till you’re absolutely full of the hurt which will never heal itself. If you can’t trust the only people who would supposedly die for you, will you ever trust anyone ever again? Think about the impact that such a simple situation would have on the psyche of the child that was only starting to make friends and see the more colorful pieces of life.

Jump ahead 20 years. Nothing has changed – the fake promises, the false semblances of love, the hateful backstabs. And I thought, I may have come ahead 32 years of my life from my birth, but I’ve never really developed my root chakra, the most important chakra in the development of a human. Think of a person who doesn’t trust anyone fully enough to confide in them, to support them, to love them without seeking something in return – this guy is a total mess and I guess so am I. I may have touched other chakras but without the root chakra, I don’t even trust the development of my inner self. Where am I and how far have I come? How much work do I need to do on myself? Will it ever end? Will it ever come to true fruition? What will death look like?

In such situations, a person can take either of the following 2 paths –

  1. Create a wall around himself, learning from experiences, torturing himself silently for every mistake he makes and vowing to return stronger every time he falls for he alone can support himself. Whether he does return stronger is a completely different story altogether. A person who creates a wall around himself and so fragile that everything around him pains him to the core. He’s learnt to accommodate pain just like he accommodates the people that hurt him every day and yet never trusting even the air that he lives on. Food hates him and so does water. He relies on logics but logics are a mere culmination of his experiences and academic learnings. Think of this guy’s logic – how negative will it be? He will never ever trust his intuition.
  2. The other way to go about it is to keep trusting everyone, no walls, but he keeps falling into the same trap again and again for he’s never ever truly learnt from his mistakes. The same type of friends, relatives, lovers – people who will only use him and throw him away. He tells people that he goes about trusting people by his intuition but think about the intuition that would have made him trust the people who fail him again and again. How much hurt is he going to see in his life? Is it time already to build that wall?

None of the situations is ideal. There may be a third choice which I am yet unaware of but that’s how things have panned out for me. Now think of the gazillion others just like me who refuse to believe in anything. What kind of world are we on the way to create for ourselves and others?

I pray for myself to get over my insecurities fast so I can start to trust myself and thus, connect to chakras better and faster for there is no other stronger need for me than to connect to my higher self and be that living light that shines the path for others in the best way possible.

Let me leave you with the original wall –

The Edge

It’s been a very productive weekend or let me just correct myself and say that this is the most productive Sunday of my life. Simply based on the actual knowledge I gained today, I’ve probably laid down the foundation for a lot to enter me, alleviating all fear.

Talking of fear, I realize why I so desperately wanted to shift my knowledge of the world. I thought what if I am the only one who thinks that aliens arriving to Earth is a very possible phenomenon. I know a lot of you will still disagree with me but I’m not writing to challenge any philosophy or belief system. I’m simply more than happy to now know that there are people in this world who think the way I do. People who don’t disagree with the current system but they want to mend it to include more freedom. To let creators create, let the teachers learn for themselves by experimenting and to make the children think beyond what is normally around us.

What we, as in our “Cultivated and Awakened” society, have built around us is a wall so huge, so powerful that our kids fail to see what’s beyond it. We’re teaching them a whole lot more, making their curriculum tougher with more homework, more physical work, but we constantly fail to address their sensitivity. We fail to let them know that we’re there for them. That we’re creating a better world for them. They give in to the system around them so easily, it’s like slicing a knife through butter.

Only to feed your mind, here’s a bit of what I think –

Anyway, I probably now understand why exactly did I once see what I saw during my meditation. I felt the breeze, the sound of water splashing against stones, and when I opened my eyes, I saw a huge wall of single stone, wet from the bottom all the way to the top. It had tiny weed like grass with its flowers protruding through its cracks which almost made the wall look alive. It added so much drama. But then I realized that I’m in a boat, on the edge of the beach, and slowly floating away from the reality that the world has created for me. As I moved away, I found that the wall actually was a plateau, with a huge and dense forest on top of it and it ran deep into the land of the world that I was so happy to be leaving. As I kept moving away, I felt at peace and I turned around and the sun was shining at the horizon, invigorating every sense inside me, filling me with hope that one day I’ll be one with it!

Footsteps

Le God – “It was a great movie we watched today – The Fountain!”

Le Me – “Yup. I never thought something so close to what I am turning into, would land so straight in my lap.”

“How’d you get your hands on the name of the movie?”

“Well, there’s a great channel called Spirit Science on YouTube. It was one of their recommendations”.

“What did you learn from the movie?”

“That trees are truly the greatest source of life. That nothing can survive without them and that I must strive to be more like a tree.”

“Well, I agree but how do you plan to be like a tree?”

“You see,  a tree only acts for its own survival. It stands tall facing the harsh sun, the storms, the rains, sometimes it survives the flood and sometimes it doesn’t. It stands tall till it can serve by consuming what is available from the nature. It doesn’t depend on anyone else. The byproduct of its function is oxygen on which humans survive. I can never be thankful enough to all trees for they facilitate human survival and therefore, eventually mine. When a tree looks down upon me, I am filled with hope, I hear a promise, a promise to be friends till death does us apart. Then there are fruits, flowers, glue, bark, roots and shade. Everything about a tree is selfless and yet it only truly works for itself. Every tree is a living example of what every human should be. Live and let live and never let the fruit of your actions be the goal of your existence. Did you notice how protagonist of the movie tries to get a tree to survive? Because that’s the source, that’s where all life births from. That’s where it shows how all life is being destroyed by a random action triggered by a human. And yet the movie keeps the sanctity of nature alive by letting the circle of life complete by itself, whether be it by disease culminating into death. And even in death, a tree decomposes to give all that it can to Mother Earth. You can’t cheat death but you can definitely ascertain that you live longer and more in harmony with nature by respecting it, treating it as equal, and valuing all that it gives us. We’re doing no justice to our own species by not letting the nature take its normal course of action. And that in the end, we’ll have to run towards it for our own survival when there’ll not be much of it left to support us.”

“Do you think you are doing enough to reverse this dangerous trend of destruction?”

“No, I don’t. All I’m helping with and doing on my part is trying to stem the damage but it clearly isn’t enough.”

“Hmmm… Sounds kinda sad.”

“I know. It’ll take a tremendously collective effort to educate people and reverse the damaging trends and habits that our past generations have imbibed in our heads. It’ll take a resolve so great, it has to be like the meditation of a single human being for a 1000 years summed into a single day. We’ve followed, for eons, the misguided footsteps that our forefathers left for us. It’s time now to change the path and follow the right direction. To let the nature see that we take it seriously and that we value its contribution in our lives. People are working towards it and it’ll take all their perseverance, hardwork, resolve and necessary contribution from the rest of us to save our planet, save our trees.”