Self Eval #2 – World

The world is a beautiful place. It is a good place to be in. I humbly accept everything that this world teaches me. It is generally filled with good people with an odd one thrown in.

I find it amusing and perplexing, the way it functions with all these societal and political rules and regulations. There is ample of room for improvement but with the myriad of people constituting it along with their minds, ideas, egos and self-interests, there is only a certain level of perfection that can truly be achieved. I am fine with that as well. That’s because not everyone and everything can be perfect but we can all surely strive to be and raise the level of perfection and the collective level of earth consciousness. This can be done by uplifting ourselves spiritually, by grounding our self, by treating others just the way we would treat ourselves in every situation – fairly and truthfully. By understanding that there is a solution to every problem if we decide to look inside ourselves because all that we think about others, is in essence, what constitutes us. If you feel like ridiculing others, it is basically your insecurity and tendency to run away from situations by using words that can truly hurt someone else. All that you do and think, is what is precisely ingrained in you at a subconscious level and all of these can truly be understood and captured by meditating. By sitting in silence, remembering your God, your masters, your angels and ancestors, and asking them to guide you and by letting them know that all what you’ll receive will be gratefully and gracefully accepted. All that you have got to do is ask the questions. You’ll realize that the question is correct when you will receive an answer. All our follies can be corrected if we accept the lessons from every problem, maybe in this lifetime or the next one. What’s important is for our soul to evolve and advance in its learnings. Nothing else matters.

I love seeing people grow by learning from their mistakes and eventually evolve to becoming someone else altogether; all the while embedding their original traits in their characters. I like the way they have the ability to show something else while hiding what they truly feel. It’s a great talent that humans have perfected i.e. to create a facade for social acceptance and the funniest part is that everyone accepts it as a part of their day to day lives. It’s so natural to them that they sometimes don’t even know when they have lied to someone. I understand that they do this because it’s a win-win situation for everyone. Common understanding and remaining ignorant is way more important than the greater good.

Why do we need to understand someone else’s perception or thinking? Should we truly care about what others think? There are always 2 sides to coin and so here we go about this one and therefore, do remember that people can be forgiven to think the way they want to. If I care about what others would think, am I not allowing their energy to affect me? Am I not giving them a part of me? And yet the other argument is what if I am wrong and the other person is right. First off, right and wrong are mere perceptions. What they truly are, are lessons in disguises created by human emotions. What I believe in is, until I’m not  hurting someone or Mother Earth, I’m free to do whatever I want with myself and learn from my mistakes. Learning from mistakes should be second nature for everyone. My lessons are mine to learn and I thank God, my master, my angels and ancestors to have given them to me in this lifetime in order to further my soul’s advancement. I believe that the powers that exist beyond my understanding are only working towards my betterment and they always aim to uplift me spiritually.

Marriage

No meetings are accidental. Every person you’ve ever had a chance to meet with in your life has had an energy exchange with you. They may have come to cheer you up, encourage you, to maybe give you a different perspective on your existing condition or they may just have come to destroy you. But all of these meetings carry a purpose. We don’t know who we’re going to meet but someone somewhere has his permutations and combinations going on and he is deciding for you, what you’ll eventually have and who you’ll meet in your life. You are here for a reason. Your soul decided to take up your body and existence to learn some very important chapters that will forge its way to eternal divinity.

One such type of meeting is arranged marriage. Two people from very different backgrounds, very different existences and circumstances are given a chance to get together and maybe it’s their parents’ karma to have their children get the best partner to live their life with. Please leave alone the very maniacal self-interests that parents try and fulfill from marriages these days. We as children should learn that they may never have had a chance to get their heads around the thought that they’ve been conditioned so badly and left scarred by this structure called society that they end up using their children as tools to satisfy their existential desires and defend themselves and their own deeds. And then maybe we should give a thought to the fact that we may as well be as wrong as they are, but that’s a separate topic altogether. Let us only concentrate on the marriage and the two souls that are eventually going to tangle for the rest of their journey in their respective human forms.

The first step to an arranged marriage is deciding if you really do want to get married. Either you decide it for yourself or your parents will decide it for you. For some reason beyond my comprehension, parents think it is pivotal that their child marries. It is possibly of even greater importance than him or her getting to see the world, building his perspectives, observing people from various other cultures and learning what being human really is like. I won’t disagree with people who say that all this can be done even after marriage but I come from a sect that gets married first and then starts believing that they have truly fucked it up and all of it should have been and should be the other way round. But well, I’ve given up and given in, have broken down and cared to stand up again to find my path and spread its word.

From the day the boy and the girl start to know each other before the marriage, given that they’re indeed at all allowed and that they’re living in a modern enough society to understand that courtship is important too, the connection between them starts to grow depending upon how deep do they really want to know each other, how much are they really ready to reveal about themselves and the amount of effort they’re willing to put in to make the other one feel special and cared for. Does their vibration match with each other’s and is there room for further upliftment once you are together? These are the most important steps to build the platform for their lives together and it’s called trust. Well, sometimes the courtship works and sometimes it doesn’t based on the aforementioned factors. If it doesn’t work, better luck next time.

But if it works, their souls have in some form accepted each other and built a strong enough connection to let them test their material lives together. I had no courtship except that we dropped bombs of information about our past lives upon each other once in a while on a telephone and let each other soak it, process it and see if they still want to know more. None of us was subtle. But what we ended up valuing the most from our conversations was that both of us were truly inclined to build a very strong foundation of trust. We wanted to work on that aspect and the effort was left to be felt. I knew what she was and how she works even before we took our rounds around the holy fire. And hopefully she knew me. Well, nothing perturbed us from marrying and so there we were, left to the world together and build our lives on that single most important aspect – trust. And I think this is what would happen similarly with most couples before the marriage, some smooth, some hard.

But once they are together, they are bound to work together; to see a foreseeable future together, to understand their concept of a journey together. Though some couples like us aren’t really concerned about the goals from a relationship because we’re not very concerned about the future. What we truly want is have a blissful day every day for the rest of our lives no matter where we end up and how we end up as. And as your day is so important to you, that is when you start to understand the small nitty-gritties of their day to day life and the more you observe them, and because you are connected to them in some special way, you also end up watching and observing yourself. And you watch whether each day that you’re living and that you’ve lived when you wake up the next day has fulfilled its purpose – to keep you happy; whether each day is made up of the two of you, sharing your lives and happiness together, being content in whatever you have together; whether you share a dream together, a laugh together. And you see your part in all of other half. Would he or she feel the same way as you do? Would he or she care to share it with you? Would they make you feel special? DO YOU MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL EVERYDAY? Notice the word “Together”!

If the answer to all of the above questions is Yes, you truly are living a blissful life and shall continue to do so. Never let the spark die out under the weight of expectations and silence. Talk, talk, talk a lot. Tell them everything even when they don’t have the ear. Hear their stories and live their day through their words. Never use emails, messengers and messages to get your point across. Your words should always carry the correct emotion that you want to convey and it can only be done when you speak; unless you are Shakespearically blessed!

However, if the answer to all the questions above is No, ask yourself – is the love between you two, still alive and is responsibility the only binding factor between the two of you? If yes, make a change. Try and make it work. Give each other tons of attention and this may just work out and life may come back to normal. If no, MOVE ON. It isn’t wrong to spare each other’s lives if the spark dies out. You’ve come to live a life of content, enjoyment and happiness; not to be doleful, somber and cruel to yourself. Your time shall pass in a blink leaving wasted years in its wake. Every soul that touches your plays its part in your souls upliftment, to enlighten it. Once there is nothing left to exchange, the need to further enhance itself depends on the soul itself. If it is satisfied, you may want to continue the same way as you’ve done all the while. But if the soul decides to further enlighten itself, and shorten its spiritual journey, it may start to bother your physical realm with choices and paths that you may not have given a lot of thought to earlier in your life. This is why in the circle of life, you find yourself at the same crossroad over and over again. This is life giving you a chance to make a better choice or a choice that suits you better at this moment of life. Don’t make it hard on each other. Discuss it, give a lot of thought because in India, getting out of marriage is a tough task – for both parents and the partners themselves. Societal pressure strikes vicious fear in the parents who aren’t prepared to deal with the repercussions of your decisions. Once decided, leave!

Carry on with your spiritual journey and try and create new connections, start a foray into art. It’s the most liberating form of exercise and it heals your soul. Remember that you’ve learnt your lessons and be grateful to them. Be grateful to the maker who gave your soul the chance to enlighten itself and make it even more powerful. Be grateful to the partner whose company helped in achieving one of the goals of your soul. You thus formed a very important connection with the other soul and all good karmas with each other will help your soul to move along in the other life or may be this life itself. Forgive each other and forget each sin for it was their way of learning their lessons. Leave them where they belong – in the past and cut your connections with it.

 

The Edge

It’s been a very productive weekend or let me just correct myself and say that this is the most productive Sunday of my life. Simply based on the actual knowledge I gained today, I’ve probably laid down the foundation for a lot to enter me, alleviating all fear.

Talking of fear, I realize why I so desperately wanted to shift my knowledge of the world. I thought what if I am the only one who thinks that aliens arriving to Earth is a very possible phenomenon. I know a lot of you will still disagree with me but I’m not writing to challenge any philosophy or belief system. I’m simply more than happy to now know that there are people in this world who think the way I do. People who don’t disagree with the current system but they want to mend it to include more freedom. To let creators create, let the teachers learn for themselves by experimenting and to make the children think beyond what is normally around us.

What we, as in our “Cultivated and Awakened” society, have built around us is a wall so huge, so powerful that our kids fail to see what’s beyond it. We’re teaching them a whole lot more, making their curriculum tougher with more homework, more physical work, but we constantly fail to address their sensitivity. We fail to let them know that we’re there for them. That we’re creating a better world for them. They give in to the system around them so easily, it’s like slicing a knife through butter.

Only to feed your mind, here’s a bit of what I think –

Anyway, I probably now understand why exactly did I once see what I saw during my meditation. I felt the breeze, the sound of water splashing against stones, and when I opened my eyes, I saw a huge wall of single stone, wet from the bottom all the way to the top. It had tiny weed like grass with its flowers protruding through its cracks which almost made the wall look alive. It added so much drama. But then I realized that I’m in a boat, on the edge of the beach, and slowly floating away from the reality that the world has created for me. As I moved away, I found that the wall actually was a plateau, with a huge and dense forest on top of it and it ran deep into the land of the world that I was so happy to be leaving. As I kept moving away, I felt at peace and I turned around and the sun was shining at the horizon, invigorating every sense inside me, filling me with hope that one day I’ll be one with it!

Footsteps

Le God – “It was a great movie we watched today – The Fountain!”

Le Me – “Yup. I never thought something so close to what I am turning into, would land so straight in my lap.”

“How’d you get your hands on the name of the movie?”

“Well, there’s a great channel called Spirit Science on YouTube. It was one of their recommendations”.

“What did you learn from the movie?”

“That trees are truly the greatest source of life. That nothing can survive without them and that I must strive to be more like a tree.”

“Well, I agree but how do you plan to be like a tree?”

“You see,  a tree only acts for its own survival. It stands tall facing the harsh sun, the storms, the rains, sometimes it survives the flood and sometimes it doesn’t. It stands tall till it can serve by consuming what is available from the nature. It doesn’t depend on anyone else. The byproduct of its function is oxygen on which humans survive. I can never be thankful enough to all trees for they facilitate human survival and therefore, eventually mine. When a tree looks down upon me, I am filled with hope, I hear a promise, a promise to be friends till death does us apart. Then there are fruits, flowers, glue, bark, roots and shade. Everything about a tree is selfless and yet it only truly works for itself. Every tree is a living example of what every human should be. Live and let live and never let the fruit of your actions be the goal of your existence. Did you notice how protagonist of the movie tries to get a tree to survive? Because that’s the source, that’s where all life births from. That’s where it shows how all life is being destroyed by a random action triggered by a human. And yet the movie keeps the sanctity of nature alive by letting the circle of life complete by itself, whether be it by disease culminating into death. And even in death, a tree decomposes to give all that it can to Mother Earth. You can’t cheat death but you can definitely ascertain that you live longer and more in harmony with nature by respecting it, treating it as equal, and valuing all that it gives us. We’re doing no justice to our own species by not letting the nature take its normal course of action. And that in the end, we’ll have to run towards it for our own survival when there’ll not be much of it left to support us.”

“Do you think you are doing enough to reverse this dangerous trend of destruction?”

“No, I don’t. All I’m helping with and doing on my part is trying to stem the damage but it clearly isn’t enough.”

“Hmmm… Sounds kinda sad.”

“I know. It’ll take a tremendously collective effort to educate people and reverse the damaging trends and habits that our past generations have imbibed in our heads. It’ll take a resolve so great, it has to be like the meditation of a single human being for a 1000 years summed into a single day. We’ve followed, for eons, the misguided footsteps that our forefathers left for us. It’s time now to change the path and follow the right direction. To let the nature see that we take it seriously and that we value its contribution in our lives. People are working towards it and it’ll take all their perseverance, hardwork, resolve and necessary contribution from the rest of us to save our planet, save our trees.”

Superstitions and Awareness

It’s been a while since I started asking life to guide me rather than let me guide the life. For once, I want to get rid of the power and responsibility that has for so long bogged me down. I just need indications, some as subtle as a breeze, some as powerful as an emotion that tears apart any thought that may misguide me. I get them, in numbers, in colors, in sounds, in aromas, and in the random images in my head for I need to know my patterns.

About these sensations, it’s tough to start feeling them. They don’t come so easy. But once you do start to feel them, they are absolutely precious and you don’t want to let them go. You treasure them, remember them and start associating them to your random actions that may have triggered them. And these are what I call superstitions.

“Oh, now I understand why I’m having such a bad day at work… I forgot my handkerchief”.

Alright this one happened to me, about 3 years ago and I remember it as clear as day that it was – I was leaving for my office when I stepped on a piece of cow-dung while getting on my bike. Now, as a normal plan of action created in haste would be, I tried cleaning my shoe against a stone and started on my journey not realizing the kind of peril I am indulging in. A kilometer from my house and I met with an accident because someone in a real Indian haste, had popped into the wrong lane and banged into me. Now it was easy for me to start yelling at the stupidity of that moment but the fact that nothing had happened to me prevented me from taking any further action.

I now look back to that day and see how I may have averted that action myself. I now realize that while all of it seems to be the fault of the person coming in the wrong lane, my foot had slipped too, off from the brake pedal because of the dung that had stuck to my shoe which took me a bit farther even when I did apply the pressure on the pedal in time. Also, what haste did to me was, took me away from the necessary action of washing my shoe sole before leaving for work. What was I thinking going to work with dung sticking to my shoe?

Not that I have to forgive myself for the accident or the other person for the accident but that’s how life is – unpredictable. Both he and I had laid the foundation for an accident way before we actually met with one. They are just actions – unknown and unpredictable. We never went out to hurt each other intentionally and thankfully we didn’t but these are situations that lay the perfect ground for a superstition –

“Never in my life must I leave my house if I’ve stepped onto cow dung, much like never step a foot across the line in which a black cat has crossed the road.”

In fact, coming to think of it, I have actually fallen off my bicycle after a black cat crossed the road, but that was way back when I was a child and didn’t know what to make of it. Ahhh… a child’s mind, its innocence and what would I give to have it now. However, cometh a superstition, and followeth the remedy – and only heaven knows what form of depravity will that be made of. Brooms, potatoes, bananas, combined with wizardry and sorcery, with incense sticks burning – man, just give me all of that and I’ll surely put them to their respective uses than killing the demons of my action.

Now, the awareness of the situation could have made me think of the damage that I may cause to people in case I couldn’t press the brake pedal with the dung-laden foot. But who knew?! And only in the interest of other humans, I should have washed my shoe. That is what we all must do – take a minute and think of the damage that our actions may cause to other humans. We must always be thoughtful of the physical damage that we may cause to others.

And awareness will always kill superstitions. Never let your inner guidance rise to the level of superstitions. If the guidance comes and you realize it, it will come again, in the same form or the other. Just, be patient. Nature made you and it’ll surely guide you.

 

Resistance

Pronunciation –

re·sist·ance rəˈzistəns

Definition –

the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.

  • armed or violent opposition.
  • a secret organization resisting authority, especially in an occupied country.
  • the underground movement formed in France during World War II to fight the German occupying forces and the Vichy government.
  • the impeding, slowing, or stopping effect exerted by one material thing on another.

the ability not to be affected by something, especially adversely.

  • lack of sensitivity to a drug, insecticide, etc., especially as a result of continued exposure or genetic change.

the degree to which a substance or device opposes the passage of an electric current, causing energy dissipation. Ohm’s law resistance (measured in ohms) is equal to the voltage divided by the current.

  • a resistor or other circuit component that opposes the passage of an electric current.

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I’m realizing and recognizing the patterns that resistance creates within me. This force is the strongest wall that exists inside me and it’s as magical, mystical as it is natural, exoteric. It’s built of an accumulated wealth of my perceptions of pain and pleasure and others’ definitions of what births happiness and sorrow.

Why did I create this wall? From right when I was born, I was fed how to react to pain and pleasure differently. Pain and pleasure are polar opposites. While pain by definition is a symptom of (feelings of) hurt and hence, unwanted; pleasure by definition is something or someone that provides a source of happiness, and hence, it’s an experience sought by everyone.

Since my younger days, I’ve miscalculated pain and pleasure and I think I feel differently about their degrees of effect on me. While due to all the safe modern equipment, I am kept safe from physical hurt and hence, lesser physical pain, I do experience significant emotional pain from time to time. For some reason, rather unknown to me, I’ve realized that it is me who invites and applies that pain to myself. There is a rather self-destructing sound to it and I’m not very proud of it. And therefore, I created a wall inside me, that filters what goes in and what goes out.

All that permeates my skin encounters this barrier repeatedly. While some of the external forces that touch this wall dissipate effortlessly into rainbows, others are miraculously absorbed into it, only making it stronger. It’s a wall so high, it can only be the manifestation of a heart battered and bruised from brutalities and yet it is as strong and seamless like new. There seem no fissures, no holes that adorn it or maybe I’ve just not looked close enough.

It’s funny to think that I let my resistance keep me away from the enriching experiences of the world only because they served others differently.

Yet it’s amazing that this resistance keeps me. It maintains me. It keeps off the bad and allows the good, sparsely though. My egos – the alter and physical one alike feed on resistance. It’s the keeper of the most powerful frictional energy inside my mind. It’s an energy barrier that carries with it the fear of the known and unknown alike. Resistance is the culmination of a two faced monster called choice.

I think the only choice that we don’t have is of death. Else we choose at every living moment. Choice spoils us. Choices are mostly tough yet, can be easy. Choices, depending on their effect, can be classified into: good, neutral, and bad. The only downside of not choosing well is that it leaves with the longing for the other, better alternative. Otherwise, the purpose of a choice – good, neutral, or bad – is to lead you to another choice. A choice is never singular, in that I mean, no choice can be made to have no effect. The only thing consistent about choice is that every choice has an effect even if it was made to choose between bad and neutral. A choice always leaves you with a path that you’ve chosen – and thus friction. The friction between the types of choices we have to make every day and live with them, live in them. The memory of every choice rots us from the inside by pinning us to the past. A past that has choices as many as we’ll make in the future. But then we’re stuck to the future, one that we haven’t yet seen, a future that we can only plan on seeing, a future that is only as plausible as the result of the flip of a coin.

Resistance is a two way street. While the way in which the writer will eventually portray it, is negative, yet it is equally positive. In fact, when a child is born, society does  condition its children to first build a wall around them. Don’t do this, don’t do that! Parents teach their children to resist all that has been bad for them or for the equivalent others. While some of the resistance, and hence, fears, they feed a child with, are what you eventually need to survive, a mind can easily be disillusioned by the choices that he has at hand. While properly educated choices lead to better decisions, the choices made with half-baked knowledge often lead to failures. Failures increase the resistance to ever face such choices again and this is when resistance births fear. Human brain, as noisome as it is, doesn’t always know when to stop imparting the half-baked knowledge that resides inside it. Society breeds fear in the child’s mind about things that are supposed to hurt him. But they really aren’t aware if those things will really ever hurt him, and if they do, how much will they hurt him? Just like everyone has different longing for pleasure, they have different pain tolerances. Think closely and we’ll realize that when we don’t think before starting to instill fear in the minds of our children or ourselves, we are feeding perceptions and experiences that we’ve never actually had. That’s like disliking the food that we’ve never tasted or hating the man for a crime that he has never committed. And fear has as they say –

“Clearly, all fear has an element of resistance and a leaning away from the moment. Its dynamic is not unlike that of strong desire except that fear leans backward into the last safe moment while desire leans forward toward the next possibility of satisfaction. Each lacks presence. (29)”
― Stephen LevineA Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If It Were Your Last

Resistance is the ceiling that is tough to break through. I am right there. I feel the extreme cold, wet, impeding, tough vibes from the people around me. I feel this force every time I am hit by a thought that is supposed to inspire and enthrall me and yet I am confused only because I don’t trust my instincts any more. How can I leave them behind; the people that have led me to become the miserable person I am now, the situations that have tested my morals, my patience, my perseverance, my beliefs and the quintessential – my trust. I am nothing without trust. My world revolves around it. I don’t trust myself to make better choices for myself. I don’t trust others easily. While some may argue that I can start with a clean slate, it isn’t easy for me, for there is Resistance!

Conditioning

Till when will we keep accepting all that the people who lived before us, laid out for us? Take a peek within.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti

“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.”
Jim Morrison

“The reflection of the current social paradigm tells us we are largely determined by conditioning and conditions.”
Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

What follows comes from an Indian child.

It’s very important to think about someone’s conditioning before judging their actions or their intent for an action. While I start to take my baby steps into a world unknown, that’s bound by no rules, I would love to sit with people and understand their upbringing. It needs to be an enchanting exercise in which I try and relate to them and connect a lot of dots about myself. And while I even start to think of starting on my path, I wonder what it must have been like to be our parents.

We, in India, have a tendency to refer to a lot of our patronage. “My father was an army officer”, “My Mother bravely carried her pregnancy” – are just some examples we use every day. But how many times have we really tried to go all out and find out the type of bond they shared with their parents and relatives while they were growing up?

Parents are complex beings, especially the ones who raised us in our time. I am 32 years old and you’re good at Math; run your additions and subtractions and calculate the time period I’m talking about. Our grandparents were emerging from and fighting a lot of poverty handed to them by the British Raj and the most valuable of things and lessons they have come from relationships. Our parents looked at our grandparents and saw people who had buried themselves for the well-being of their children. The first part of the conditioning of our parents thus stated, “Learn to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of your little ones. That way you keep your parents and yourself happy and live with the feeling of altruism”. The actual word is Responsibility.

During their time i.e. right after the British Raj ended, culture of a limited family was unheard of, for a father required as many hands as possible to raise crops, cut them and sell them. Educating the children always took a back seat and welfare of their surroundings and environment often fell on deaf ears. Family had to come first for there always were more mouths to feed than the total income in the household. Nothing, no amount of money was ever enough. So, parents always sacrificed themselves, a lot, morally and physically, only to make ends meet.

Although with time, some of the grandparents while fighting poverty and their middle class fate, started to understand the importance that education will eventually play in their children’s lives. And thus came the turn for our parents to get educated, another responsibility for them to excel and shine for our grandparents whom they could see, were vaporizing their blood, day and night, to pay the fees for that very education, hoping that one day their investment will bear fruits of progress and wealth for their children, our parents.

I pity that time even though I’m its product. Not only were our parents the first ones to have had a look at society the way it is shaped now, but probably played a good part in developing the system too; a system of altruism, doing things for others selflessly and yet, show it off to the society. A society that has, since time immemorial, forgotten the very humans that decided to live for it. And to maintain their worth, our parents did all that could muster to live up to the hype created around them by that very society. They did it for us; their children. They never gave a thought to themselves, their life, their pain, their systematic desecration of hope and all creativity. Think of all that art lost and forgotten inside their souls.

In a very cruel way and rather ironically, the more our grandparents live, the longer our parents are stuck in this endless spiral of selflessness that caters to everyone but them. This leaves them dividing time between 2 ends they can never have permanently; their parents and their children. Grandparents who have only a few years to go and children who will one day leave to find their paths of lives. Neither of them is permanent. Our parents were thus never exposed to being artistic except for the ones who actually earn by practicing art. They never did things for themselves. Is the pleasure of living for your children so great, that people are prepared to sacrifice their lives for them? What about the years that will follow? Why do we never ask: have I lived my life to the fullest? Will I always be guided by the path and morals that someone else laid out for me?

I find it divine to be able to live with our parents and see them go through their years and learn from them. But I also often ask myself, why must I chose to live a life that’s derived from the experiences that were derived from the perspective of a different time, different place, and different people. People in our time no longer suffer from lack of opportunities that the earlier generations did. We see things that are brighter, clearer, and full of proven knowledge. We do things faster than they were ever done, our dimensions are different. We don’t suffer from the gloom that the previous had to face. Then why follow their footsteps.

I’ve decided to create my own reality. I have the requisite knowledge and am gaining more as I speak. I don’t want to show off. I want to do things only for myself. And yet my morals don’t place me opposite to altruism. I want to do better for the world but that betterment has to start from within, by phasing out the knowledge and the flimsy cover of security this so called society provides. I want to go out and live my life the way I want to. My path and morals only guide me to the betterment of myself and henceforth, the people around me, people that I care to carry with me. I don’t wish to look far. I want to enjoy the present. I accept all that is right for me and I’m grateful for it.

I refuse to be conditioned again.