Marriage

No meetings are accidental. Every person you’ve ever had a chance to meet with in your life has had an energy exchange with you. They may have come to cheer you up, encourage you, to maybe give you a different perspective on your existing condition or they may just have come to destroy you. But all of these meetings carry a purpose. We don’t know who we’re going to meet but someone somewhere has his permutations and combinations going on and he is deciding for you, what you’ll eventually have and who you’ll meet in your life. You are here for a reason. Your soul decided to take up your body and existence to learn some very important chapters that will forge its way to eternal divinity.

One such type of meeting is arranged marriage. Two people from very different backgrounds, very different existences and circumstances are given a chance to get together and maybe it’s their parents’ karma to have their children get the best partner to live their life with. Please leave alone the very maniacal self-interests that parents try and fulfill from marriages these days. We as children should learn that they may never have had a chance to get their heads around the thought that they’ve been conditioned so badly and left scarred by this structure called society that they end up using their children as tools to satisfy their existential desires and defend themselves and their own deeds. And then maybe we should give a thought to the fact that we may as well be as wrong as they are, but that’s a separate topic altogether. Let us only concentrate on the marriage and the two souls that are eventually going to tangle for the rest of their journey in their respective human forms.

The first step to an arranged marriage is deciding if you really do want to get married. Either you decide it for yourself or your parents will decide it for you. For some reason beyond my comprehension, parents think it is pivotal that their child marries. It is possibly of even greater importance than him or her getting to see the world, building his perspectives, observing people from various other cultures and learning what being human really is like. I won’t disagree with people who say that all this can be done even after marriage but I come from a sect that gets married first and then starts believing that they have truly fucked it up and all of it should have been and should be the other way round. But well, I’ve given up and given in, have broken down and cared to stand up again to find my path and spread its word.

From the day the boy and the girl start to know each other before the marriage, given that they’re indeed at all allowed and that they’re living in a modern enough society to understand that courtship is important too, the connection between them starts to grow depending upon how deep do they really want to know each other, how much are they really ready to reveal about themselves and the amount of effort they’re willing to put in to make the other one feel special and cared for. Does their vibration match with each other’s and is there room for further upliftment once you are together? These are the most important steps to build the platform for their lives together and it’s called trust. Well, sometimes the courtship works and sometimes it doesn’t based on the aforementioned factors. If it doesn’t work, better luck next time.

But if it works, their souls have in some form accepted each other and built a strong enough connection to let them test their material lives together. I had no courtship except that we dropped bombs of information about our past lives upon each other once in a while on a telephone and let each other soak it, process it and see if they still want to know more. None of us was subtle. But what we ended up valuing the most from our conversations was that both of us were truly inclined to build a very strong foundation of trust. We wanted to work on that aspect and the effort was left to be felt. I knew what she was and how she works even before we took our rounds around the holy fire. And hopefully she knew me. Well, nothing perturbed us from marrying and so there we were, left to the world together and build our lives on that single most important aspect – trust. And I think this is what would happen similarly with most couples before the marriage, some smooth, some hard.

But once they are together, they are bound to work together; to see a foreseeable future together, to understand their concept of a journey together. Though some couples like us aren’t really concerned about the goals from a relationship because we’re not very concerned about the future. What we truly want is have a blissful day every day for the rest of our lives no matter where we end up and how we end up as. And as your day is so important to you, that is when you start to understand the small nitty-gritties of their day to day life and the more you observe them, and because you are connected to them in some special way, you also end up watching and observing yourself. And you watch whether each day that you’re living and that you’ve lived when you wake up the next day has fulfilled its purpose – to keep you happy; whether each day is made up of the two of you, sharing your lives and happiness together, being content in whatever you have together; whether you share a dream together, a laugh together. And you see your part in all of other half. Would he or she feel the same way as you do? Would he or she care to share it with you? Would they make you feel special? DO YOU MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL EVERYDAY? Notice the word “Together”!

If the answer to all of the above questions is Yes, you truly are living a blissful life and shall continue to do so. Never let the spark die out under the weight of expectations and silence. Talk, talk, talk a lot. Tell them everything even when they don’t have the ear. Hear their stories and live their day through their words. Never use emails, messengers and messages to get your point across. Your words should always carry the correct emotion that you want to convey and it can only be done when you speak; unless you are Shakespearically blessed!

However, if the answer to all the questions above is No, ask yourself – is the love between you two, still alive and is responsibility the only binding factor between the two of you? If yes, make a change. Try and make it work. Give each other tons of attention and this may just work out and life may come back to normal. If no, MOVE ON. It isn’t wrong to spare each other’s lives if the spark dies out. You’ve come to live a life of content, enjoyment and happiness; not to be doleful, somber and cruel to yourself. Your time shall pass in a blink leaving wasted years in its wake. Every soul that touches your plays its part in your souls upliftment, to enlighten it. Once there is nothing left to exchange, the need to further enhance itself depends on the soul itself. If it is satisfied, you may want to continue the same way as you’ve done all the while. But if the soul decides to further enlighten itself, and shorten its spiritual journey, it may start to bother your physical realm with choices and paths that you may not have given a lot of thought to earlier in your life. This is why in the circle of life, you find yourself at the same crossroad over and over again. This is life giving you a chance to make a better choice or a choice that suits you better at this moment of life. Don’t make it hard on each other. Discuss it, give a lot of thought because in India, getting out of marriage is a tough task – for both parents and the partners themselves. Societal pressure strikes vicious fear in the parents who aren’t prepared to deal with the repercussions of your decisions. Once decided, leave!

Carry on with your spiritual journey and try and create new connections, start a foray into art. It’s the most liberating form of exercise and it heals your soul. Remember that you’ve learnt your lessons and be grateful to them. Be grateful to the maker who gave your soul the chance to enlighten itself and make it even more powerful. Be grateful to the partner whose company helped in achieving one of the goals of your soul. You thus formed a very important connection with the other soul and all good karmas with each other will help your soul to move along in the other life or may be this life itself. Forgive each other and forget each sin for it was their way of learning their lessons. Leave them where they belong – in the past and cut your connections with it.

 

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The Wall

I watched this video and started to think about myself again. How many chakras must the spirit in me have connected to? And I’m only talking about the basic 7 chakras. I asked myself – “how secure do I feel I am”?

The answer from inside was a shudder so powerful, I nearly fell off my chair. I realized, I have to start from basics again. I have to start working on myself again.

I’ve been thinking since 2 days now and I’ve realized that I can’t blame myself or anyone else if I feel insecure. This is something I should have worked upon very early but then who knew then that I’d have to delve so deep inside of me for answers that no one else on this planet has for me. Call it conditioning that I always look towards the world for answers that I should have had a long time ago. All others can only guide me to, may be at best, decipher the messages I get from within me. How foolish have I been all along!

I feel security of self, let’s call it self-security, is the basis of all things human. From the time we’re born, the first thing that our parents should give us is a sense of security about the world around us, to let us alleviate the first fears about the first people we feel around us. But I feel the need to go back 1-step. Why do we ever have to feel fear in the first place when we’re only just born? Or do our parents try and remove all possible sources of fear from around us only guided by their intuition which could be as fragile as a grass straw or to call it plainly – wrong? Their logic or thinking can be attributed to only one cause – their responsibility of providing us with a nurturing environment to grow up without a single hiccup. My worry in all this is – is their fear the compressed source of all fears that we face as a child? Do we borrow their fears to return their favor of bringing us into this world?

Now think about the case as follows – a child is born and sees parents who’re beyond several definitions of ecstatic. They are so elated that eyes can’t contain the excitement and they keep falling short of breaths while simply admiring your beauty. Yes, they’re still trying to hold you the best way possible, gently passing you around the arms of the other well-wishers. Yet instead of enjoying the moment, they start noticing the way, others are holding their child and is it the best that they can do? The new parents are worried of course whether be it that you are in more capable hands than their own. Does this fear sound irrational? Or is it the culmination of the unsurmountable distrust in all of humanity that no one except you can do the best for their child? Think about the number of injuries and numerous stabs that the parents individually would have gone through before they decided to get married and bring you into this world. They can and will only rely on their experience. That’s the way they have learnt in this world even though the knowledge mostly came from the all-knowing Google. I won’t even touch the fears that parents experience when you are being formed inside the womb or the fears after the passing-the-parcel match I described above. Can you think that right from the moment the parents hear the news that you may be on your way, they start to fear and fear they will, for and about you, all through their lives till they are alive. Is that irrational?

Yes, I understand I may be describing my situation here as well, as to why I don’t want to be a father right now. This may be the fear that’s eating me up but this discussion is for later.

So, take that 1 step ahead now from which we had stepped back. You’re growing up fast, blossoming every full moon, and then one day you see or learn something horrifying about either one of your parents. And you have no one to talk to – neither the other parent nor any of your siblings. So you silently dump the shit, take the bitter pill and go back to sleep, never knowing that this is the first of the innumerable and insufferable disturbing nights you’re preparing to have in the coming years. You see the culprit parent each day and they love you or pretend to love you and from here starts the cycle of distrust that’ll repeat till you’re absolutely full of the hurt which will never heal itself. If you can’t trust the only people who would supposedly die for you, will you ever trust anyone ever again? Think about the impact that such a simple situation would have on the psyche of the child that was only starting to make friends and see the more colorful pieces of life.

Jump ahead 20 years. Nothing has changed – the fake promises, the false semblances of love, the hateful backstabs. And I thought, I may have come ahead 32 years of my life from my birth, but I’ve never really developed my root chakra, the most important chakra in the development of a human. Think of a person who doesn’t trust anyone fully enough to confide in them, to support them, to love them without seeking something in return – this guy is a total mess and I guess so am I. I may have touched other chakras but without the root chakra, I don’t even trust the development of my inner self. Where am I and how far have I come? How much work do I need to do on myself? Will it ever end? Will it ever come to true fruition? What will death look like?

In such situations, a person can take either of the following 2 paths –

  1. Create a wall around himself, learning from experiences, torturing himself silently for every mistake he makes and vowing to return stronger every time he falls for he alone can support himself. Whether he does return stronger is a completely different story altogether. A person who creates a wall around himself and so fragile that everything around him pains him to the core. He’s learnt to accommodate pain just like he accommodates the people that hurt him every day and yet never trusting even the air that he lives on. Food hates him and so does water. He relies on logics but logics are a mere culmination of his experiences and academic learnings. Think of this guy’s logic – how negative will it be? He will never ever trust his intuition.
  2. The other way to go about it is to keep trusting everyone, no walls, but he keeps falling into the same trap again and again for he’s never ever truly learnt from his mistakes. The same type of friends, relatives, lovers – people who will only use him and throw him away. He tells people that he goes about trusting people by his intuition but think about the intuition that would have made him trust the people who fail him again and again. How much hurt is he going to see in his life? Is it time already to build that wall?

None of the situations is ideal. There may be a third choice which I am yet unaware of but that’s how things have panned out for me. Now think of the gazillion others just like me who refuse to believe in anything. What kind of world are we on the way to create for ourselves and others?

I pray for myself to get over my insecurities fast so I can start to trust myself and thus, connect to chakras better and faster for there is no other stronger need for me than to connect to my higher self and be that living light that shines the path for others in the best way possible.

Let me leave you with the original wall –

My Voice

Have you ever heard yourself?

Ok! As we ascertained in my last post, and as my consciousness and I deciphered, what I actually thought is my God, isn’t really my God. As we’ve also found that my consciousness knows who actually is my God and that discussion is for later when I have gathered enough about spirits. But first, we’ve got to do something about its name – consciousness, also awareness, are rather long words, so let me just simply call him “Buddy”. I don’t anyways have a lot of friends so having a buddy full time could do me a lot of good. 😉

Le Buddy – “So you finally christened me! How does it feel to finally have a friend?”

Le Me – “You know, it’s terrific! I somehow feel very light right now. The fact that I’ll always have someone to talk to, to resolve my conflicts with, to call upon when in doubt, gives me a lot of hope and a very different sense of freedom. I love it already! Thank You!”

“Well, I’m glad that even having me around is so relieving for you. I haven’t felt you so light in years.”

“True that bro! Anyway today I was reminiscing the days when my mother’s voice was everything for me, when her voice was my command. I used to be so scared that after a while I may have changed my fright into a sense of responsibility that I have even today towards home and my family.”

“So you think it is your fear of her voice that turned you into this responsibility freak?”

“It is possible, isn’t it? But the worse things started to happen to me. I could hear my mother’s voice even when she wasn’t around, it was like an echo but it happened whenever it wanted. You know that echo was always my name, a shriek, like it never wanted me to go away, like it always wanted me close. More often than not, it was my mother’s voice but I’ve heard my wife’s voice too, but never my dad’s or brother’s voice. I guess I’ve heard my name very few times from these two guys.”

“Do you hear her these days? I mean how often has it happened since you left your mother?”

“Far too regularly to be comfortable. It totally freaks me out.”

“Do you dream about her when you sleep? During your days, do you think about her in any form?”

“Dreams? Definitely YES. But not during day time as such. But it’s just not with my mother you see. May be I hear her a lot because I spent a lot of time with her and under her shadow, also the reason why it took me so long to finally grow up and understand things on my own, but I also her my wife. The funny part here is, she never ever calls me by my name in front of me. I’ve so rarely heard my name from her, it’s like I was born for the nicknames that she so abundantly showers upon me.”

“Do you think it is an issue? Why were you recalling this?”

“Because I’m starting to believe that somewhere in my childhood lays buried my true art, my true purpose. And I’m also starting to believe that I was never an ordinary child. Everything I have accomplished till date holds no meaning to me till I find out that it has all been for a purpose, a great purpose, may be only towards me but it has to be great. I’ve seen and felt enough things in my life that keep making me go back towards my childhood and dig out all that has been dumped beneath a rubble. I need to understand that what I am today – is it the result of a sudden cataclysm or was it a slow poison that has taken roots so deep inside me that scratching it away will surely make me bleed. Both of them will make me bleed, but remember that it is not the bleeding that scares me, but the skeletons in the closet that I’m very scared to discover. What will they be?”

“Have you ever tried talking to your brother about all this?”

“I genuinely believe that not a single person in my family is worth talking to. They won’t understand me.”

“Keep thinking and voicing your thoughts to me dude… this one seems really perplexing. May be it’ll solve itself over time. But till then enjoy my company. Let’s start to have some amazing time together. Let’s see to what frequency we can eventually raise you to. Remember, our ultimate goal is to reach our higher self.”

Conditioning

Till when will we keep accepting all that the people who lived before us, laid out for us? Take a peek within.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti

“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.”
Jim Morrison

“The reflection of the current social paradigm tells us we are largely determined by conditioning and conditions.”
Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

What follows comes from an Indian child.

It’s very important to think about someone’s conditioning before judging their actions or their intent for an action. While I start to take my baby steps into a world unknown, that’s bound by no rules, I would love to sit with people and understand their upbringing. It needs to be an enchanting exercise in which I try and relate to them and connect a lot of dots about myself. And while I even start to think of starting on my path, I wonder what it must have been like to be our parents.

We, in India, have a tendency to refer to a lot of our patronage. “My father was an army officer”, “My Mother bravely carried her pregnancy” – are just some examples we use every day. But how many times have we really tried to go all out and find out the type of bond they shared with their parents and relatives while they were growing up?

Parents are complex beings, especially the ones who raised us in our time. I am 32 years old and you’re good at Math; run your additions and subtractions and calculate the time period I’m talking about. Our grandparents were emerging from and fighting a lot of poverty handed to them by the British Raj and the most valuable of things and lessons they have come from relationships. Our parents looked at our grandparents and saw people who had buried themselves for the well-being of their children. The first part of the conditioning of our parents thus stated, “Learn to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of your little ones. That way you keep your parents and yourself happy and live with the feeling of altruism”. The actual word is Responsibility.

During their time i.e. right after the British Raj ended, culture of a limited family was unheard of, for a father required as many hands as possible to raise crops, cut them and sell them. Educating the children always took a back seat and welfare of their surroundings and environment often fell on deaf ears. Family had to come first for there always were more mouths to feed than the total income in the household. Nothing, no amount of money was ever enough. So, parents always sacrificed themselves, a lot, morally and physically, only to make ends meet.

Although with time, some of the grandparents while fighting poverty and their middle class fate, started to understand the importance that education will eventually play in their children’s lives. And thus came the turn for our parents to get educated, another responsibility for them to excel and shine for our grandparents whom they could see, were vaporizing their blood, day and night, to pay the fees for that very education, hoping that one day their investment will bear fruits of progress and wealth for their children, our parents.

I pity that time even though I’m its product. Not only were our parents the first ones to have had a look at society the way it is shaped now, but probably played a good part in developing the system too; a system of altruism, doing things for others selflessly and yet, show it off to the society. A society that has, since time immemorial, forgotten the very humans that decided to live for it. And to maintain their worth, our parents did all that could muster to live up to the hype created around them by that very society. They did it for us; their children. They never gave a thought to themselves, their life, their pain, their systematic desecration of hope and all creativity. Think of all that art lost and forgotten inside their souls.

In a very cruel way and rather ironically, the more our grandparents live, the longer our parents are stuck in this endless spiral of selflessness that caters to everyone but them. This leaves them dividing time between 2 ends they can never have permanently; their parents and their children. Grandparents who have only a few years to go and children who will one day leave to find their paths of lives. Neither of them is permanent. Our parents were thus never exposed to being artistic except for the ones who actually earn by practicing art. They never did things for themselves. Is the pleasure of living for your children so great, that people are prepared to sacrifice their lives for them? What about the years that will follow? Why do we never ask: have I lived my life to the fullest? Will I always be guided by the path and morals that someone else laid out for me?

I find it divine to be able to live with our parents and see them go through their years and learn from them. But I also often ask myself, why must I chose to live a life that’s derived from the experiences that were derived from the perspective of a different time, different place, and different people. People in our time no longer suffer from lack of opportunities that the earlier generations did. We see things that are brighter, clearer, and full of proven knowledge. We do things faster than they were ever done, our dimensions are different. We don’t suffer from the gloom that the previous had to face. Then why follow their footsteps.

I’ve decided to create my own reality. I have the requisite knowledge and am gaining more as I speak. I don’t want to show off. I want to do things only for myself. And yet my morals don’t place me opposite to altruism. I want to do better for the world but that betterment has to start from within, by phasing out the knowledge and the flimsy cover of security this so called society provides. I want to go out and live my life the way I want to. My path and morals only guide me to the betterment of myself and henceforth, the people around me, people that I care to carry with me. I don’t wish to look far. I want to enjoy the present. I accept all that is right for me and I’m grateful for it.

I refuse to be conditioned again.