Happy New Year – My Soulmate

I feel incredibly intoxicated by the loneliness I feel as I write today. And as I have nothing to lose, I feel really powerful to challenge the universe to give me exactly what I want. I’ve simply prayed before to seek things and it never worked. Maybe the intentions weren’t powerful enough and so I’ve decided to set things straight this year. Oh by the way –

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! May this year bring incredible peace, prosperity, humor, love, abundance, and joy to this world. May the matter of the universe bestow its very best upon us and may we have mercy upon each other. May we stop judging each other. May we, as humanity, be able to pull ourselves out of the hole that we’ve dug for ourselves. Let’s just ride! Ride through the wind, in the sun, beneath the moon, beside the seas and the rivers, touching the base and the summits of the mountains, basking in their glory.

“Let us all pray, with all of our most powerful intentions and purest hearts, to embrace the Goddess energy within ourselves, to bring all of us to a new understanding and value of life. Let us have a vision that inspires us to live and love on planet Mother Earth. Let us all realize that like a priceless jewel, buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time.” – Prayer created from the song Gamemaster by Lost Tribe.

Not digressing any more, my new year resolution is that I’ll blatantly, without any judgement, with love and purity in my heart, and never at behest of anyone’s loss/detriment, ask the universe for all that I need and deserve. I’ll, for once, let the power go off from my hands and just lay it in the hands of the Source to provide me with all the positive experiences that I haven’t yet had in my life. For a long time which is like forever, I’ve let myself be bogged down by the thought that I simply don’t deserve good things and experiences. It’s a limiting belief and I’ve decided that I’ll discontinue this pattern. For once, the universe is hell bent on letting me know that this year is all about abundance to me and I’ll reap only as much as I ask for. And for this I’ll go out and simply ask – my God, my angels, my ascended master, and my ancestral spirits.

Here I am right now to seek my soul mate. I know that there may be multiple soul mates for my life but the image I have about her is as follows. Now there is an assumption and I’ll let the universe decide if it is correct or not – I have assumed that my soul mate is out there somewhere looking for me just as I am looking for her. And as I am writing this, she is dying to find me, be with me, and get loved by me because she knows she deserves me. She loves me unconditionally. She has the smile like a glowing star and eyes that twinkle like 2 of them. She is about medium height, not too tall, not too short, has the the right amount of flesh in the right places that make her immune to diseases, not too heavy, not too slim, a pure Goddess in human form. She has face full of compassion, black hair, deep wise black eyes, a pretty nose, lips that aren’t scared to break into smile and that decide to pout only when she looks at me. Her heart has the childishness of a woman who knows the kind of humor I like. Her gazes at me penetrate right thru to my heart. She wants to know, accept, and work on all my secrets with me. She is willing to dive deep inside me to bring forth my power and masculinity. Every moment with her is intimacy, love, touches, kisses, a whole lot of laughter, and romance that blinds me to the problems of the world. She is an independent woman, capable of guiding herself and me and yet never hesitant to seek my help and advice. She is the person who balances and completes me. She loves literature, deep spiritual talks, meditation and fine discussions.

There you go – I’ve laid it out for the universe to now start to find such a woman, bring her to me or me to her. And I thank the universe for having already started to conjure up my special moment of MAGIC!

I addition to this I also lay it out to the universe to fulfill all of my intentions that I have laid out in my vision board. Please include abundance as well –

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Self Eval #3 – My Beliefs

Loyalty, Trust and Truth –

All of these are pivotal and form the base of the philosophy of my life. Loyalty is a product of trust which in turn is a product of truth. Why loyalty? Why trust? Why truth? That’s because how much of these 3 things you receive from others is a direct result of your true behavior with other people i.e. if you’re willing to give these things on the first place, will you ever truly get them back at 1:1 proportion.

All but truth take time to build. The more truthful you are, the more it encourages others to be honest to you. It’s all about a progression. First you have to start being truthful to yourself, then others who won’t matter much and then your true love. All the while it needs to be clearly understood that everything and everyone is a passing phase in your life and is there to give you lessons to learn and understand and make you reach closer to all that there truly is and will be – the elements of the Earth, the senses in your body (dormant and active both), your soul and it’s purpose in this life.

So coming back to truth, it starts with your conscious decision to never deride yourself, never letting your inner voice drown out your passion, never fearing and loathing your actions/words. Always realize that actions and words when done and said respectively, can’t be taken back and they are already a past. All that you can do is learn from them. Remember that it may sometimes take a lot of mistakes, both similar and distinct, to get an action/word right and that’s fine as long as you are putting an effort into learning from them. Never stop believing in yourself. As long as you are true to yourself, the lessons will well and truly come your way. All that we have to do is accept them gracefully and gratefully with a smile. And when you do these simple things and practice them daily, that is when you raise your vibrations and frequency. That is when you attract better people; discuss better things, and consequently raise the vibrations of others in the process. This is when you attract soul mates and people who are willing to trust you.

That is where trust comes in. People start to trust you when you are confident (which means being truthful to yourself) about your abilities; when the distance between your commitment and strengths is infinitesimally small; when your actions truly match your words. When people trust you, they find you approachable, connectable, and worth their time. This is when you show them your trust in them, make them your accomplice, partners. Only such frequencies and vibrations will attract and send signals to your soul mate.

To win loyalty from someone, development of a persistent and often foolhardy trust is needed and hence, a nature full of truth is required. Loyalty is a state of mind that is attained by prolonged trust and devotion to each other’s truth; by demolition and dissolution of barriers between the two minds.

I seek loyalty and I know I deserve it. And for it to come to me, I’m willing to submit to my master fully trusting his voice and commands. I seek a state of true trustworthiness from my friends and partner, something that dispels any thoughts about betrayal and disobedience. I seek a state where the true freedom is attained by true following and blind love – whether be it towards my master, my God, or my love, all of whom I’m yet to meet.

 

My Voice

Have you ever heard yourself?

Ok! As we ascertained in my last post, and as my consciousness and I deciphered, what I actually thought is my God, isn’t really my God. As we’ve also found that my consciousness knows who actually is my God and that discussion is for later when I have gathered enough about spirits. But first, we’ve got to do something about its name – consciousness, also awareness, are rather long words, so let me just simply call him “Buddy”. I don’t anyways have a lot of friends so having a buddy full time could do me a lot of good. 😉

Le Buddy – “So you finally christened me! How does it feel to finally have a friend?”

Le Me – “You know, it’s terrific! I somehow feel very light right now. The fact that I’ll always have someone to talk to, to resolve my conflicts with, to call upon when in doubt, gives me a lot of hope and a very different sense of freedom. I love it already! Thank You!”

“Well, I’m glad that even having me around is so relieving for you. I haven’t felt you so light in years.”

“True that bro! Anyway today I was reminiscing the days when my mother’s voice was everything for me, when her voice was my command. I used to be so scared that after a while I may have changed my fright into a sense of responsibility that I have even today towards home and my family.”

“So you think it is your fear of her voice that turned you into this responsibility freak?”

“It is possible, isn’t it? But the worse things started to happen to me. I could hear my mother’s voice even when she wasn’t around, it was like an echo but it happened whenever it wanted. You know that echo was always my name, a shriek, like it never wanted me to go away, like it always wanted me close. More often than not, it was my mother’s voice but I’ve heard my wife’s voice too, but never my dad’s or brother’s voice. I guess I’ve heard my name very few times from these two guys.”

“Do you hear her these days? I mean how often has it happened since you left your mother?”

“Far too regularly to be comfortable. It totally freaks me out.”

“Do you dream about her when you sleep? During your days, do you think about her in any form?”

“Dreams? Definitely YES. But not during day time as such. But it’s just not with my mother you see. May be I hear her a lot because I spent a lot of time with her and under her shadow, also the reason why it took me so long to finally grow up and understand things on my own, but I also her my wife. The funny part here is, she never ever calls me by my name in front of me. I’ve so rarely heard my name from her, it’s like I was born for the nicknames that she so abundantly showers upon me.”

“Do you think it is an issue? Why were you recalling this?”

“Because I’m starting to believe that somewhere in my childhood lays buried my true art, my true purpose. And I’m also starting to believe that I was never an ordinary child. Everything I have accomplished till date holds no meaning to me till I find out that it has all been for a purpose, a great purpose, may be only towards me but it has to be great. I’ve seen and felt enough things in my life that keep making me go back towards my childhood and dig out all that has been dumped beneath a rubble. I need to understand that what I am today – is it the result of a sudden cataclysm or was it a slow poison that has taken roots so deep inside me that scratching it away will surely make me bleed. Both of them will make me bleed, but remember that it is not the bleeding that scares me, but the skeletons in the closet that I’m very scared to discover. What will they be?”

“Have you ever tried talking to your brother about all this?”

“I genuinely believe that not a single person in my family is worth talking to. They won’t understand me.”

“Keep thinking and voicing your thoughts to me dude… this one seems really perplexing. May be it’ll solve itself over time. But till then enjoy my company. Let’s start to have some amazing time together. Let’s see to what frequency we can eventually raise you to. Remember, our ultimate goal is to reach our higher self.”

Am I Fearless?

Let the conversation begin.

Le God – “When are you scared?”

Le Me – “I am scared when I have done something wrong.”

“Is that the only time when you’re scared son?”.

“Yes, as far as I can remember.”

“What happened when you were shivering in that hospital once?”

“You saw!!!??? You remember?”

“Oh yeah dude! Don’t you ever forget that what you know I know, what you see I see, what you hear I hear, I feel all that you feel – all your pain, emotions, all your sensations, I am your soul, I AM YOU.”

Le Me (head bowed) – “That night in hospital was the worst night. I was made to take some decisions, and I took them, and they have changed my life into what it is today.”

“Do you realize that what you are and what you have today is the grace of your deeds and your deeds alone?”

“Yes I do.”

“So, do you think you were scared in the hospital?”

“Yes I was.”

“What do you think went on down there?”

“I was scared if I’ll ever find her. I was scared of the consequences that I may have to face had something were to happen to her. I was scared of what people will think of me. All my fears precipitated at once. It was a mixture of emotions. I felt scared for her. I know she is fragile. I had no idea how she would react to panic. Was she even alive? Things were pretty out of my control.”

“Will you call this mixture of emotions as your love for her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why did you say that you don’t trust her?”

“Because I didn’t. I couldn’t have trusted her with any version of her story especially with the way she had been with me for the past few months before the incident. What was real for me then was my own experience. The only real thing in my life then were my emotions, my fears. I couldn’t have placed my self-respect in the hands of anyone else then.”

“Do you think you handled the situation well?”

“Yes.”

“Is there nothing you could have done better?”

“It was my inability to trust her then that stopped me from dragging the situation with law. Who knows if I had had the courage and her trust in me, I would have gone ahead and pushed to have the culprits apprehended.”

“Why do you think she didn’t trust you?”

“I could always tell when she was lying to me. She isn’t very good with the lies. I had caught her many times trying to fool me. So clearly if she was lying to me, there were secrets that she couldn’t tell me because she never trusted me.”

“Do you trust her now?”

“I don’t care about trusting her anymore.”

“What if a similar situation were to repeat? What would you do?”

“Please don’t say that. I’m really scared of facing that situation again.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I value freedom. I can’t control her free will. I couldn’t then, I can’t now. I value my freedom beyond all measures. And so I know she would value it too.”

“Should it matter to you if she values her freedom as much as you do?”

“No. But there’s a principle involved and it’s purely mine. No one else’s. I have to grant the same degree of freedom to everyone as much I grant to myself. Freedom to think, to act, to have faith, any faith.”

“So, what if that situation repeats?”

“I’ll probably be smarter now and not make the same mistakes again.”

“Is this what you wanted? Is this how you wanted your today to be? Are you satisfied with it?”

“Yes. I can’t control if she has learnt from her past. But I have taken my lessons.”

“What are they?”

“To never let my self-respect be placed in the hands of anyone else but mine especially someone or something that can’t be controlled. Nothing comes above and beyond it. Then I placed it in the hands of the trust that I didn’t have from her and which was beyond my control. But then that’s the danger you face when you get married.”

“So was this the reason your hands were trembling then?”

Le Me (looking up, smiling) – “Yes.”

So are you fearless now?”

“Yes.”

Conversation to be continued…