Happy New Year – My Soulmate

I feel incredibly intoxicated by the loneliness I feel as I write today. And as I have nothing to lose, I feel really powerful to challenge the universe to give me exactly what I want. I’ve simply prayed before to seek things and it never worked. Maybe the intentions weren’t powerful enough and so I’ve decided to set things straight this year. Oh by the way –

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! May this year bring incredible peace, prosperity, humor, love, abundance, and joy to this world. May the matter of the universe bestow its very best upon us and may we have mercy upon each other. May we stop judging each other. May we, as humanity, be able to pull ourselves out of the hole that we’ve dug for ourselves. Let’s just ride! Ride through the wind, in the sun, beneath the moon, beside the seas and the rivers, touching the base and the summits of the mountains, basking in their glory.

“Let us all pray, with all of our most powerful intentions and purest hearts, to embrace the Goddess energy within ourselves, to bring all of us to a new understanding and value of life. Let us have a vision that inspires us to live and love on planet Mother Earth. Let us all realize that like a priceless jewel, buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time.” – Prayer created from the song Gamemaster by Lost Tribe.

Not digressing any more, my new year resolution is that I’ll blatantly, without any judgement, with love and purity in my heart, and never at behest of anyone’s loss/detriment, ask the universe for all that I need and deserve. I’ll, for once, let the power go off from my hands and just lay it in the hands of the Source to provide me with all the positive experiences that I haven’t yet had in my life. For a long time which is like forever, I’ve let myself be bogged down by the thought that I simply don’t deserve good things and experiences. It’s a limiting belief and I’ve decided that I’ll discontinue this pattern. For once, the universe is hell bent on letting me know that this year is all about abundance to me and I’ll reap only as much as I ask for. And for this I’ll go out and simply ask – my God, my angels, my ascended master, and my ancestral spirits.

Here I am right now to seek my soul mate. I know that there may be multiple soul mates for my life but the image I have about her is as follows. Now there is an assumption and I’ll let the universe decide if it is correct or not – I have assumed that my soul mate is out there somewhere looking for me just as I am looking for her. And as I am writing this, she is dying to find me, be with me, and get loved by me because she knows she deserves me. She loves me unconditionally. She has the smile like a glowing star and eyes that twinkle like 2 of them. She is about medium height, not too tall, not too short, has the the right amount of flesh in the right places that make her immune to diseases, not too heavy, not too slim, a pure Goddess in human form. She has face full of compassion, black hair, deep wise black eyes, a pretty nose, lips that aren’t scared to break into smile and that decide to pout only when she looks at me. Her heart has the childishness of a woman who knows the kind of humor I like. Her gazes at me penetrate right thru to my heart. She wants to know, accept, and work on all my secrets with me. She is willing to dive deep inside me to bring forth my power and masculinity. Every moment with her is intimacy, love, touches, kisses, a whole lot of laughter, and romance that blinds me to the problems of the world. She is an independent woman, capable of guiding herself and me and yet never hesitant to seek my help and advice. She is the person who balances and completes me. She loves literature, deep spiritual talks, meditation and fine discussions.

There you go – I’ve laid it out for the universe to now start to find such a woman, bring her to me or me to her. And I thank the universe for having already started to conjure up my special moment of MAGIC!

I addition to this I also lay it out to the universe to fulfill all of my intentions that I have laid out in my vision board. Please include abundance as well –

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Self Eval #3 – My Beliefs

Loyalty, Trust and Truth –

All of these are pivotal and form the base of the philosophy of my life. Loyalty is a product of trust which in turn is a product of truth. Why loyalty? Why trust? Why truth? That’s because how much of these 3 things you receive from others is a direct result of your true behavior with other people i.e. if you’re willing to give these things on the first place, will you ever truly get them back at 1:1 proportion.

All but truth take time to build. The more truthful you are, the more it encourages others to be honest to you. It’s all about a progression. First you have to start being truthful to yourself, then others who won’t matter much and then your true love. All the while it needs to be clearly understood that everything and everyone is a passing phase in your life and is there to give you lessons to learn and understand and make you reach closer to all that there truly is and will be – the elements of the Earth, the senses in your body (dormant and active both), your soul and it’s purpose in this life.

So coming back to truth, it starts with your conscious decision to never deride yourself, never letting your inner voice drown out your passion, never fearing and loathing your actions/words. Always realize that actions and words when done and said respectively, can’t be taken back and they are already a past. All that you can do is learn from them. Remember that it may sometimes take a lot of mistakes, both similar and distinct, to get an action/word right and that’s fine as long as you are putting an effort into learning from them. Never stop believing in yourself. As long as you are true to yourself, the lessons will well and truly come your way. All that we have to do is accept them gracefully and gratefully with a smile. And when you do these simple things and practice them daily, that is when you raise your vibrations and frequency. That is when you attract better people; discuss better things, and consequently raise the vibrations of others in the process. This is when you attract soul mates and people who are willing to trust you.

That is where trust comes in. People start to trust you when you are confident (which means being truthful to yourself) about your abilities; when the distance between your commitment and strengths is infinitesimally small; when your actions truly match your words. When people trust you, they find you approachable, connectable, and worth their time. This is when you show them your trust in them, make them your accomplice, partners. Only such frequencies and vibrations will attract and send signals to your soul mate.

To win loyalty from someone, development of a persistent and often foolhardy trust is needed and hence, a nature full of truth is required. Loyalty is a state of mind that is attained by prolonged trust and devotion to each other’s truth; by demolition and dissolution of barriers between the two minds.

I seek loyalty and I know I deserve it. And for it to come to me, I’m willing to submit to my master fully trusting his voice and commands. I seek a state of true trustworthiness from my friends and partner, something that dispels any thoughts about betrayal and disobedience. I seek a state where the true freedom is attained by true following and blind love – whether be it towards my master, my God, or my love, all of whom I’m yet to meet.

 

Self Eval #2 – World

The world is a beautiful place. It is a good place to be in. I humbly accept everything that this world teaches me. It is generally filled with good people with an odd one thrown in.

I find it amusing and perplexing, the way it functions with all these societal and political rules and regulations. There is ample of room for improvement but with the myriad of people constituting it along with their minds, ideas, egos and self-interests, there is only a certain level of perfection that can truly be achieved. I am fine with that as well. That’s because not everyone and everything can be perfect but we can all surely strive to be and raise the level of perfection and the collective level of earth consciousness. This can be done by uplifting ourselves spiritually, by grounding our self, by treating others just the way we would treat ourselves in every situation – fairly and truthfully. By understanding that there is a solution to every problem if we decide to look inside ourselves because all that we think about others, is in essence, what constitutes us. If you feel like ridiculing others, it is basically your insecurity and tendency to run away from situations by using words that can truly hurt someone else. All that you do and think, is what is precisely ingrained in you at a subconscious level and all of these can truly be understood and captured by meditating. By sitting in silence, remembering your God, your masters, your angels and ancestors, and asking them to guide you and by letting them know that all what you’ll receive will be gratefully and gracefully accepted. All that you have got to do is ask the questions. You’ll realize that the question is correct when you will receive an answer. All our follies can be corrected if we accept the lessons from every problem, maybe in this lifetime or the next one. What’s important is for our soul to evolve and advance in its learnings. Nothing else matters.

I love seeing people grow by learning from their mistakes and eventually evolve to becoming someone else altogether; all the while embedding their original traits in their characters. I like the way they have the ability to show something else while hiding what they truly feel. It’s a great talent that humans have perfected i.e. to create a facade for social acceptance and the funniest part is that everyone accepts it as a part of their day to day lives. It’s so natural to them that they sometimes don’t even know when they have lied to someone. I understand that they do this because it’s a win-win situation for everyone. Common understanding and remaining ignorant is way more important than the greater good.

Why do we need to understand someone else’s perception or thinking? Should we truly care about what others think? There are always 2 sides to coin and so here we go about this one and therefore, do remember that people can be forgiven to think the way they want to. If I care about what others would think, am I not allowing their energy to affect me? Am I not giving them a part of me? And yet the other argument is what if I am wrong and the other person is right. First off, right and wrong are mere perceptions. What they truly are, are lessons in disguises created by human emotions. What I believe in is, until I’m not  hurting someone or Mother Earth, I’m free to do whatever I want with myself and learn from my mistakes. Learning from mistakes should be second nature for everyone. My lessons are mine to learn and I thank God, my master, my angels and ancestors to have given them to me in this lifetime in order to further my soul’s advancement. I believe that the powers that exist beyond my understanding are only working towards my betterment and they always aim to uplift me spiritually.

Self Eval #1 – Unveiling Persona

  1. I am charming.
  2. I am brutally honest with my family and colleagues. Family because it helps them notice my evolution and their opinion does matter in my life. Also family should find me trust-worthy to believe me when I need them the most. Colleagues because it helps me build trust with them, something that is mandatory among team members for better communication and eradication of ego which prevents smooth functioning and causes delays in my work.
  3. I’m not honest with people that lie to me and God has given me a special ability to figure out who is lying to me. It is only with them that I start creating random stories to fool them, in the process lying myself. I think it’s wrong on my part to behave in such a shallow manner but sometimes they deserve what they set out to dish out to me.
  4. I am an intensely emotional with a lot of my emotions stowed away inside of a heart locker. My ability to display my affection or empathy towards situations and people is hampered because of having been fooled umpteen number of times by people who only cared for themselves and never my emotions. And so I often take weird ways to display what I feel – anger, hugs, silence, humor, sarcasm.
  5. I do a lot of things out of my comfort zone only to please people and get in their good books, mainly to gain recognition. Somehow, this never reflects at my workplace. It’s only limited to my family and people I find trust-worthy, which is quite ironical because if they are so close to me I would and should already be present in their good books. Does this reflect my distrust towards them? Need to think about it.
  6. Coming to trust, I have severe trust issues mostly because I either tend to trust people blindly or never trust someone at all.

This list may continue but this is all that are pouring out of my mind.

Marriage

No meetings are accidental. Every person you’ve ever had a chance to meet with in your life has had an energy exchange with you. They may have come to cheer you up, encourage you, to maybe give you a different perspective on your existing condition or they may just have come to destroy you. But all of these meetings carry a purpose. We don’t know who we’re going to meet but someone somewhere has his permutations and combinations going on and he is deciding for you, what you’ll eventually have and who you’ll meet in your life. You are here for a reason. Your soul decided to take up your body and existence to learn some very important chapters that will forge its way to eternal divinity.

One such type of meeting is arranged marriage. Two people from very different backgrounds, very different existences and circumstances are given a chance to get together and maybe it’s their parents’ karma to have their children get the best partner to live their life with. Please leave alone the very maniacal self-interests that parents try and fulfill from marriages these days. We as children should learn that they may never have had a chance to get their heads around the thought that they’ve been conditioned so badly and left scarred by this structure called society that they end up using their children as tools to satisfy their existential desires and defend themselves and their own deeds. And then maybe we should give a thought to the fact that we may as well be as wrong as they are, but that’s a separate topic altogether. Let us only concentrate on the marriage and the two souls that are eventually going to tangle for the rest of their journey in their respective human forms.

The first step to an arranged marriage is deciding if you really do want to get married. Either you decide it for yourself or your parents will decide it for you. For some reason beyond my comprehension, parents think it is pivotal that their child marries. It is possibly of even greater importance than him or her getting to see the world, building his perspectives, observing people from various other cultures and learning what being human really is like. I won’t disagree with people who say that all this can be done even after marriage but I come from a sect that gets married first and then starts believing that they have truly fucked it up and all of it should have been and should be the other way round. But well, I’ve given up and given in, have broken down and cared to stand up again to find my path and spread its word.

From the day the boy and the girl start to know each other before the marriage, given that they’re indeed at all allowed and that they’re living in a modern enough society to understand that courtship is important too, the connection between them starts to grow depending upon how deep do they really want to know each other, how much are they really ready to reveal about themselves and the amount of effort they’re willing to put in to make the other one feel special and cared for. Does their vibration match with each other’s and is there room for further upliftment once you are together? These are the most important steps to build the platform for their lives together and it’s called trust. Well, sometimes the courtship works and sometimes it doesn’t based on the aforementioned factors. If it doesn’t work, better luck next time.

But if it works, their souls have in some form accepted each other and built a strong enough connection to let them test their material lives together. I had no courtship except that we dropped bombs of information about our past lives upon each other once in a while on a telephone and let each other soak it, process it and see if they still want to know more. None of us was subtle. But what we ended up valuing the most from our conversations was that both of us were truly inclined to build a very strong foundation of trust. We wanted to work on that aspect and the effort was left to be felt. I knew what she was and how she works even before we took our rounds around the holy fire. And hopefully she knew me. Well, nothing perturbed us from marrying and so there we were, left to the world together and build our lives on that single most important aspect – trust. And I think this is what would happen similarly with most couples before the marriage, some smooth, some hard.

But once they are together, they are bound to work together; to see a foreseeable future together, to understand their concept of a journey together. Though some couples like us aren’t really concerned about the goals from a relationship because we’re not very concerned about the future. What we truly want is have a blissful day every day for the rest of our lives no matter where we end up and how we end up as. And as your day is so important to you, that is when you start to understand the small nitty-gritties of their day to day life and the more you observe them, and because you are connected to them in some special way, you also end up watching and observing yourself. And you watch whether each day that you’re living and that you’ve lived when you wake up the next day has fulfilled its purpose – to keep you happy; whether each day is made up of the two of you, sharing your lives and happiness together, being content in whatever you have together; whether you share a dream together, a laugh together. And you see your part in all of other half. Would he or she feel the same way as you do? Would he or she care to share it with you? Would they make you feel special? DO YOU MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL EVERYDAY? Notice the word “Together”!

If the answer to all of the above questions is Yes, you truly are living a blissful life and shall continue to do so. Never let the spark die out under the weight of expectations and silence. Talk, talk, talk a lot. Tell them everything even when they don’t have the ear. Hear their stories and live their day through their words. Never use emails, messengers and messages to get your point across. Your words should always carry the correct emotion that you want to convey and it can only be done when you speak; unless you are Shakespearically blessed!

However, if the answer to all the questions above is No, ask yourself – is the love between you two, still alive and is responsibility the only binding factor between the two of you? If yes, make a change. Try and make it work. Give each other tons of attention and this may just work out and life may come back to normal. If no, MOVE ON. It isn’t wrong to spare each other’s lives if the spark dies out. You’ve come to live a life of content, enjoyment and happiness; not to be doleful, somber and cruel to yourself. Your time shall pass in a blink leaving wasted years in its wake. Every soul that touches your plays its part in your souls upliftment, to enlighten it. Once there is nothing left to exchange, the need to further enhance itself depends on the soul itself. If it is satisfied, you may want to continue the same way as you’ve done all the while. But if the soul decides to further enlighten itself, and shorten its spiritual journey, it may start to bother your physical realm with choices and paths that you may not have given a lot of thought to earlier in your life. This is why in the circle of life, you find yourself at the same crossroad over and over again. This is life giving you a chance to make a better choice or a choice that suits you better at this moment of life. Don’t make it hard on each other. Discuss it, give a lot of thought because in India, getting out of marriage is a tough task – for both parents and the partners themselves. Societal pressure strikes vicious fear in the parents who aren’t prepared to deal with the repercussions of your decisions. Once decided, leave!

Carry on with your spiritual journey and try and create new connections, start a foray into art. It’s the most liberating form of exercise and it heals your soul. Remember that you’ve learnt your lessons and be grateful to them. Be grateful to the maker who gave your soul the chance to enlighten itself and make it even more powerful. Be grateful to the partner whose company helped in achieving one of the goals of your soul. You thus formed a very important connection with the other soul and all good karmas with each other will help your soul to move along in the other life or may be this life itself. Forgive each other and forget each sin for it was their way of learning their lessons. Leave them where they belong – in the past and cut your connections with it.

 

Why do you conceal?

Why Do You Conceal?

Le God – “Yo dude… Wazzzup!”

Le Me (tearing my eyes away) – “All’s fine.”

“That doesn’t sound so good.”

“No, I’m actually.. fine.”

“Are you just trying to vaguely convince yourself that you’re fine or you really are?”

“You’re my consciousness. You tell me, am I fine?”

“Woah woah woah… I know that buddy but I want to hear it from you. Are you really fine?”

“Of Course, I’m not!”

“Then why do you conceal?”

“You know it’s funny that you ask that. I conceal and yet I know that you know all my issues and I can actually have a word or two with you to sort out my issues.”

“Sticking to the question – why do you conceal?”

“You know concealing the truth is considered a form of lying itself.”

“WHY DO YOU CONCEAL?”

“Because I’m scared that what comes out from my mouth may hurt someone. I’m scared my image may be tarnished. What if it doesn’t come out right?”

“Is that your problem if what you say hurts someone else?”

“But I hate to see people and things in pain. I hate it when people go through dreadful emotions like I’ve done and I understand that if I hide something I may save the other person that much anguish.”

“For how many people will you bother to uphold this responsibility?”

“As many as I can.”

“So you’ll be a two-faced liar to yourself all your life. You’ll be fair to someone and unfair to some. Your behaviour will vary with who’s standing in front of you. Is that how you want the world to perceive you? A HYPOCRITE!”

“No I don’t.”

“You take the responsibility of understanding pain in others, to dry their tears, but who takes the responsibility to dry your tears, to console you when you’re down? People around you are enjoying themselves, look around! They may or may not care for you. But they definitely care for themselves and that’s the truth. They may go about their lives like you don’t even exist for them. There is no consolation for you.”

“So, what do you want me to do? Do I show my weaker side? Do I show them that the person they’re dealing with has deep lingering emotional issues and that he’s the loneliest ever right now, as he writes this piece? Do I stop gaining their trust? Do I stop making them love me?”

Le God (smiling) – “So that’s what it’s all about. You want people to love you.”

Le Me – “What!!! Did I say that? Yes, yes, I said that. I have to give it to you man, you really are a God!”

“Noooo. I’m not your God. I’m merely your consciousness, the one that you’ve created since your birth.”

“So, are you saying that when I started to trust you blindly, you knew that what I wanted was to worship someone else and you waited till I could realize my folly?”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes, I do…. NOW.”

“So, are you saying when I talk to you, I’m only really talking to myself and my awareness?”

“Isn’t that what consciousness means?”

“Yes, it is. Man! I suddenly don’t trust you as much as I did a few minutes back.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t trust myself. There is so much doubt with all that is right or wrong, that to choose what’s best for me is becoming a rather arduous task in itself.”

“Are you doubting me?”

“In a sense, YES!”

“What did you learn today? What have you been learning since Saturday?”

“That all existence came from the flower of life and that all objects have some form of sacred geometry within them.”

“No no. Rollback a bit. Think hard.”

“Ok, that all creation was created by Spirit and that… woah woah woah… Are you telling me that you are my spirit too?”

“Can I be?”

“But Spirits are the start, the blank, the vacuum, the point, around whom nothing ever exists and all else came from it.”

“So am I your start, your point, your vacuum, your blank?”

“I definitely came from you or you came from me… see it’s confusing again!”

“You have to find the answer yourself. Always remember that your dark days are over and your light will shine brighter now, it should enlighten others’ path.”

“If you are my conscious, you definitely come from me. But my spirit, where does that come from?”

“That’s a question you can ask yourself some other day buddy. You’ve done very well for today.”

“Thank You so much.”

to be continued…

The Edge

It’s been a very productive weekend or let me just correct myself and say that this is the most productive Sunday of my life. Simply based on the actual knowledge I gained today, I’ve probably laid down the foundation for a lot to enter me, alleviating all fear.

Talking of fear, I realize why I so desperately wanted to shift my knowledge of the world. I thought what if I am the only one who thinks that aliens arriving to Earth is a very possible phenomenon. I know a lot of you will still disagree with me but I’m not writing to challenge any philosophy or belief system. I’m simply more than happy to now know that there are people in this world who think the way I do. People who don’t disagree with the current system but they want to mend it to include more freedom. To let creators create, let the teachers learn for themselves by experimenting and to make the children think beyond what is normally around us.

What we, as in our “Cultivated and Awakened” society, have built around us is a wall so huge, so powerful that our kids fail to see what’s beyond it. We’re teaching them a whole lot more, making their curriculum tougher with more homework, more physical work, but we constantly fail to address their sensitivity. We fail to let them know that we’re there for them. That we’re creating a better world for them. They give in to the system around them so easily, it’s like slicing a knife through butter.

Only to feed your mind, here’s a bit of what I think –

Anyway, I probably now understand why exactly did I once see what I saw during my meditation. I felt the breeze, the sound of water splashing against stones, and when I opened my eyes, I saw a huge wall of single stone, wet from the bottom all the way to the top. It had tiny weed like grass with its flowers protruding through its cracks which almost made the wall look alive. It added so much drama. But then I realized that I’m in a boat, on the edge of the beach, and slowly floating away from the reality that the world has created for me. As I moved away, I found that the wall actually was a plateau, with a huge and dense forest on top of it and it ran deep into the land of the world that I was so happy to be leaving. As I kept moving away, I felt at peace and I turned around and the sun was shining at the horizon, invigorating every sense inside me, filling me with hope that one day I’ll be one with it!

Superstitions and Awareness

It’s been a while since I started asking life to guide me rather than let me guide the life. For once, I want to get rid of the power and responsibility that has for so long bogged me down. I just need indications, some as subtle as a breeze, some as powerful as an emotion that tears apart any thought that may misguide me. I get them, in numbers, in colors, in sounds, in aromas, and in the random images in my head for I need to know my patterns.

About these sensations, it’s tough to start feeling them. They don’t come so easy. But once you do start to feel them, they are absolutely precious and you don’t want to let them go. You treasure them, remember them and start associating them to your random actions that may have triggered them. And these are what I call superstitions.

“Oh, now I understand why I’m having such a bad day at work… I forgot my handkerchief”.

Alright this one happened to me, about 3 years ago and I remember it as clear as day that it was – I was leaving for my office when I stepped on a piece of cow-dung while getting on my bike. Now, as a normal plan of action created in haste would be, I tried cleaning my shoe against a stone and started on my journey not realizing the kind of peril I am indulging in. A kilometer from my house and I met with an accident because someone in a real Indian haste, had popped into the wrong lane and banged into me. Now it was easy for me to start yelling at the stupidity of that moment but the fact that nothing had happened to me prevented me from taking any further action.

I now look back to that day and see how I may have averted that action myself. I now realize that while all of it seems to be the fault of the person coming in the wrong lane, my foot had slipped too, off from the brake pedal because of the dung that had stuck to my shoe which took me a bit farther even when I did apply the pressure on the pedal in time. Also, what haste did to me was, took me away from the necessary action of washing my shoe sole before leaving for work. What was I thinking going to work with dung sticking to my shoe?

Not that I have to forgive myself for the accident or the other person for the accident but that’s how life is – unpredictable. Both he and I had laid the foundation for an accident way before we actually met with one. They are just actions – unknown and unpredictable. We never went out to hurt each other intentionally and thankfully we didn’t but these are situations that lay the perfect ground for a superstition –

“Never in my life must I leave my house if I’ve stepped onto cow dung, much like never step a foot across the line in which a black cat has crossed the road.”

In fact, coming to think of it, I have actually fallen off my bicycle after a black cat crossed the road, but that was way back when I was a child and didn’t know what to make of it. Ahhh… a child’s mind, its innocence and what would I give to have it now. However, cometh a superstition, and followeth the remedy – and only heaven knows what form of depravity will that be made of. Brooms, potatoes, bananas, combined with wizardry and sorcery, with incense sticks burning – man, just give me all of that and I’ll surely put them to their respective uses than killing the demons of my action.

Now, the awareness of the situation could have made me think of the damage that I may cause to people in case I couldn’t press the brake pedal with the dung-laden foot. But who knew?! And only in the interest of other humans, I should have washed my shoe. That is what we all must do – take a minute and think of the damage that our actions may cause to other humans. We must always be thoughtful of the physical damage that we may cause to others.

And awareness will always kill superstitions. Never let your inner guidance rise to the level of superstitions. If the guidance comes and you realize it, it will come again, in the same form or the other. Just, be patient. Nature made you and it’ll surely guide you.