There have been times when I have even forgotten to breathe; such a helter-skelter was my life. Not only had I been only living for others, I had never once thought about myself and now my body and soul were crying for attention. I forgot that one of the only things that truly belong to me is my breath and I had willingly chosen to give it away too.
Such was the black hole created inside me that one night it nearly sucked my breath too and I woke up asphyxiated and parched. That’s when I realized it was time to start anew. Not only had I put myself behind the needs of others but even my energy wasn’t mine anymore. I needed a system that catered to only me and kept an ear to all the demands put forth by my body and soul.
I kept my eyes to the sky and ears to the ground to look for and hear any signs of light and sound that may guide me. This happened when people around me were undergoing major changes, primarily with a workshop called Heal Your Life. I had no clue what it was and was told that I may not connect to the power of the workshop. And me, just as I always am, dismissed it like a FAD that most things that come into my life are.
Time passed and I started to feel things; some haunted and some unexplainable. I knew I needed help. Just to let everyone know, I’ve been to a psychoanalyst before and it was an annoying and unfruitful episode.
My mate advised me to consult a friend of hers, Isha, who also is the joint collaborator of Heal Your Life. I willingly did so and she asked me to undergo a session to understand me first. The morning I reached her, the barricades in my mind were as high as the Great Wall of China. I felt like laughing at her, poking some seething sarcasm at her and in those frenzied moments, I now realize I was clearly divided in 2 parts – my logical-self wanted to ask her a lot of questions and kill the moment whereas my other self truly wanted to believe in her. The latter is the one sentence that even my logical self agrees to – that I needed help and it won’t come from the objective people; all help had to be mystic.
With this belief, I lied down on the chair and simply tried responding as best I could to her instructions, creating imagery that seemed purposeful and sounded even more so. It was one of the most fun activities I have ever done. While I remember nearly all of it, there were some parts that revealed themselves that she dreaded more than I did. I thank her with my heart full of gratitude that after her session, I started to feel lighter like a huge burden had shifted from over my shoulders.
We had another casual session thereafter, that involved no therapy but getting my deeds right on the first place. She guided me to some rather rudimentary stuff that I almost never could have mustered on my own. And so, after I started spending some time with myself, understanding this burden free head, dealing with those calamitous emotional breakdowns, fights inside my brain, one day out of the blue, she asked me to enroll for HYL. Till now, I had nothing that told me that I shouldn’t trust her and so I did, again!
And what a decision that turned out to be. I can’t go much into the details about those 2-days workshop that HYL is because I don’t remember much from them. But I surely can emphasize on the effects it had on me instantaneously. That entire workshop is a big release of negative energies. While some negative energy turned into positive vibes right away, others were identified and needed to be worked upon by participants themselves; the instructions for which are provided with the material. The workshop in whole is an exercise I would never have thought about doing on my own. It shattered my concept of machismo, ego, and unfriendliness. It made me understand the art of sharing, crying in front of strangers and why it is necessary to connect the dots that adorn a canvas called life. The love that the participants share in that cozy little room, the laughter, the tears, questions-answers, anecdotes, and sharing real life experiences is something that touches all hearts. Time for some reason just wouldn’t slow down enough to let us savor every little moment.
And last but not the least – A GINORMOUS THANK YOU TO ISHA! While I thank my soulmate who is the force that drove me into this path of self-ishness, Isha, you are the angel that has taken great pains to keep me on it. You have believed in me, understood me, and have taken great care of me. Your benevolence towards me is nothing less than astounding and miraculous. You owe me nothing and yet you chose to guide me when all was lost on this heavy and downbeat heart and for this no amount of gratitude will ever be enough to let you know how much it means to me.
Signing Off for Tonight,
A Child @ Play